A Typical Scene
Kid#1 is being rushed to the soccer class while Kid #2 is throwing tantrum because he doesn’t want to wear the red t-shirt. He wants the one with the blue bird on it which happens to be in the washing hamper. Amidst all this confusion, I need to be packing the soccer bag, getting the kids their evening snack and preparing for dinner. I could feel my energy levels fizzling out.
This scene may seem familiar to a lot of mothers.yes, I am sure! As a mother of two, I go through many such incidences each single day. I sometimes wonder if I have become a juggler. I am a mother, a wife, a chauffeur, a cook, a cleaning lady, an employee, an employer and more. Most days, I am proud of myself, but there are days when the silver lining is far from my sight.
Who is a Mother?
A mother is a child’s first friend, guide, and their sounding board. When we were kids, we really didn’t understand the efforts the role demands. The juggling abilities mothers have aren’t inherent. They are learned. After all, the transformation of a woman into a mother is basically overnight. Once the baby is born, a mother is the best person in the whole wide world for that baby – protective, sensitive and caring (no offense to dads, please!)
Mothers are driven by the agenda of shaping their kid’s life in the best possible way. There are many things you never knew before becoming a mother. It does not matter if you are a first-time mother or it’s your second or third innings. Every child is different, and so, is the parent.
There is no fixed syllabus for parents. We have to make our own curriculum. As newborns grow and enter the rollercoaster toddler action period. And throw challenges as a ‘teen’, we need to have a certain guideline syllabus to follow. With discipline, clarity of mind, regularity and focus, we can achieve the most out of each day, resulting in peace and progress.
Here are some topics that need to be on your parenting syllabus.
Watch your Behaviour
There are times when kids make us frustrated and angry. You are out of energy to be patient and calmly deal with children. Further, often these days we don’t have the support system of family and relatives to help us. At such times, when losing your cool, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and for a second, focus inwards. Leave the kids and allow them to scream or cry or have a meltdown (as long as they are in a safe and secure place).
This is the time you will need the right parenting attitude. It is easy to add noise to the existing chaos. But, give yourself one second and watch your behaviour. Collect yourself and try to keep the cool in the heat of the moment. Some calming tricks that work include leaving the room, chanting your positive mantra, counting from 1 to 10 and such. Not the same things works for all moms. Experiment with what works for you.
Many parents reward kids with cookies or a dollar, for good behaviour. Behaving well at certain occasions or outing does deserve a treat but this may not be the right solution in long run. Eventually, you will want kids to be well-behaved without expecting rewards for good behaviour.
Spend quality time with them when kids are on their best behaviour and explain to them why it is necessary for them to behave well when out of home. Soon they will recognize this and the warmth of this bond will enhance their confidence in themselves.
You can not change the rules, just because you are a parent and you have the authority. If you say ‘A’ in a certain situation, you can not say ‘B’ the next time the situation repeats. It’s a scientific fact that kids recognize patterns very easily.With a little effort and loads of consistency from the parents, kids learn and accept.
Do not argue or negotiate when kids do not follow rules. Instead, try to talk to them, and make yourself clear. Make the expected behavior clear to them. It all sounds so difficult but yes, it works. You just have to be consistent in your expectations, for yourself and the kids.
Understand and encourage
Kids are kids and it is the responsibility as a parent to set limits. It is also a parent’s responsibility to make them aware of these limits. Kids will try to test the limits and parents will need to keep a constant check. This needs to be done without getting frustrated. After all, who said, it’s easy being a mother!
Encourage good actions and be lavish with praise. Guide your child in a confident and peaceful manner. If they do something wrong try to get to the root cause. Talk to them and observe them. It takes patience and time.
The journey of motherhood requires immense strength, patience and time. It’s never going to be easy. Close your eyes, and envision your kid’s future. Let this be your guide. Make your own parenting syllabus. Keep calm, have faith, and it shall come true.