It’s been more than two weeks since schools have started. I am sure kids are happy –having fun with their friends and so are moms..:). When our child enters into a new class, we are always concerned to know about the well-being of our child, how (s)he is adjusting in the class, who are the new friends, is anybody there from the old class etc. ? And of course, we look forward to talk to them about it. But many times their reply is somewhat different. Am I correct? The usual conversation goes somewhat like this:

Mom: How was your day?

Kid: Good.

Mom: How is your new class?

Kid: Good.

Mom: What did you do all day?

Kid: Not much. We read a book..hmm…rest I forgot.

Mom: Did you make any new friends?

Kid: Yes.

Mom: (Thinking should I ask more or that’s enough for the day?)

So, how to make them talk? Or should I say, how to hold a conversation in such a manner, that after few days they will come to you and start telling about the day. That’s the topic of today’s post “Four ways for having an open conversation”.

  You know, their personality, their age, their mood and their (receptive) state of mind plays a major role in this. We all need some transition time. It can be applied in any situation. Whether it be coming from work and getting in the mood of having family time or coming back from school and getting into a receptive state to tell about the day. When my daughter started Kindergarten, I told her that she needs to tell me everything what happens at school. Then only I would be able to be a part of her school year and luckily I never had issues. But I have seen moms who want their kids to talk and share. So, here is what I have to say.

  • Don’t start asking questions right away

Give them some time. I know you are waiting for them but they just came back. Right? If you come home after a busy day and your kid starts asking you all sorts of different questions? What will be your answer? You got it.

  • Ask open ended questions

Ask simple but still open ended questions. Let them talk more instead you asking more. Everyday has few important moments. Ask questions like ‘Tell me what was the super cool thing that happened during the day?’, or ‘What is the most interesting and fun activity you have done today?’or ‘Was there any moment when you were kind of tired?’ These questions give children to talk with excitement and interest.

  • Get involved at your child’s school

When you know what’s going on in their school, you and your child will be on the same page. You know what exactly to ask and they know that you can relate to their answers. You need not have to go every day or spend hours. But there are lots of occasions like class parties, birthday parties, and programs, or a surprise visit at lunch, when you can go and be a part of their class activity. They don’t expect a lot, just few minutes are enough.

  •  Be their friend/pal

Let them know that you too have gone through all this when you were in school. Don’t over react or over judge. Make them feel confident that they can talk to you about anything. Share your school stories with them. It works like a magic.

Hope these four ways to have an open conversation’ post will help you to spend some chit chat time with your child. Do you have anything to add?

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  1. Lakshmi

    Thanks for sharing those four tips. It certainly is very useful. I usually tell my son stories from my school and how I went through similar situations. It does work like magic, I agree with you. But his teacher recently told me that I should not do that as he needs to learn the hard lessons by himself as my stories are about me and not about him. I found myself a little confused. But it is reassuring to know another mom who tried the same technique and it worked.

    1. alpana@mothersgurukul Post author

      Lakshmi, your son’s teacher is correct. We cannot step into our child’s shoe and start solving matters. They have to deal with it and that’s how they learn (and that’s how we learned..right?). But sharing stories about our school days gives them a confidence that they can talk to us and we will understand. For them even when a friend says ‘I will not play with you’ means a lot. You cannot solve that, its temporary. We know that but they don’t. So, what do we do-we tell them just ignore, rest is up to them. May be after going to school everything is already sorted out and there are no signs of earlier incident…:) They are kids after all. In the last point when I said “Be their Friend/pal”, it means that they should feel comfortable in discussing on any topic with you the way they chit chat with their friends. Make them feel confident that they can talk to you about anything.

      Thanks for stopping by and writing your views. Do visit http://www.mothersgurukul.com

      Alpana

    1. alpana@mothersgurukul Post author

      Preethi, I can understand..:) But give it a try. It’s a long day for them. They are tired. If your child start telling you then its okay otherwise wait for sometime. If you want answers that you are looking for then please try it.

      Thanks for checking the post.

      Alpana
      (www.mothersgurukul.com)